21 Ways to Improve a Marriage

Pick one or two to start this week. Small, steady deposits matter more than grand gestures.

1Spend 10–20 minutes a day talking about something other than logistics, kids, or chores.
2Respond to small bids for attention (a comment, a sigh, a shared article) instead of ignoring them.
3Name one specific thing you appreciated about your partner today.
4Make physical contact part of the routine: a six-second kiss, hugs, holding hands.
5Greet each other warmly at reunions, putting phones down and getting up.
6Set phone boundaries: phones out of the bedroom and off the dinner table. “Phubbing” is linked to more conflict and lower satisfaction.

7Keep a standing date night, protected like a work commitment.
8Hold a weekly check-in on the calendar, money, what’s working, and what isn’t.
9Try new things together, since novelty measurably boosts relationship satisfaction.
10Keep up separate friendships and interests so you bring energy back to the marriage.
11Treat sex as worth planning; scheduled intimacy isn’t less real.

12Open hard conversations gently: “I feel X about Y, I need Z.”
13Call a 20-minute timeout when flooded (heart rate above roughly 100) and then come back.
14Make repair attempts mid-fight, like humor, a touch, or “I’m sorry, let me try again.”
15Complain about the behavior, never the person’s character.
16Accept that some disagreements are permanent and work out how to live with them.

17Audit the division of labor, including invisible mental-load tasks like planning and remembering.
18Be fully transparent about money, including spending, debt, and goals.
19Follow through on small promises, because reliability compounds into trust.

20Do a structured program together, like Gottman’s Seven Principles workbook or a weekend workshop.
21Get couples therapy early. The average couple waits about six years after problems start, and earlier works better.

Where to go next

The reading, programs, and directories that the last few items above point to.